everything i do

i wanna fall from the stars..

cos I, I feel you :)

Skeletons

HOPING.

I can’t believe I’m doing this.

The rain went on softly, washing the world. It had started shortly after I took one of my walks, and was light enough that I could continue my walk and continue my thinking. I could feel my hair growing wetter and wetter slowly, and I couldn’t help smiling, I guess, as the rain grew just a bit stronger, just hard enough that people started to look for cover unless they thought their business was urgent enough to merit the effort of drying themselves just to take a bath again, not to mention merit the hassle of working while drenched.

But I always did like the rain. It comes, ever so gently, kissing those below it tenderly. The rain was always fair; it didn’t care one way or another what was below it; it just went and touched all those who wanted to be, regardless of any fact. Big or small, rich or poor, live or not, male or female – all these things were irrelevant; the rain washed all those it could.

I put my palms up, to catch the rain; a small pool had just started to build before I let it drop. The water felt nice, of course it always did, and as usual, I imagined the rain washing me free – from dirt, from filth. From pain too, and from hurt. That was always how it worked in my mind, at least. That was why I’ve always liked the rain.

Besides, she liked the rain, too.

Clara was – is – the most beautiful thing I’ve ever had the extreme fortune of seeing, of meeting, of touching – and loving. We met while we were still children – I was at sixth grade, at that time – and just grew closer as time passed. We finally became a couple during my freshman year at high school… January 17, 1993, at 5:30 pm. I don’t think I ever would or could forget that moment, as we sat down beside each other on the park’s green grass, looking at the sun as it set, casting a myriad of paints against that huge canvas that is the sky. It seemed like the perfect time, and so I asked.

I was sweating, then, and thought my heart would beat right out of my chest in that precious few seconds that somehow felt like eternity before she leaned against me, resting her head on my shoulder as I wrapped a hand around her waist.

I hugged her as tight as I could with one arm; she said yes.

I don’t think anything could have made me happier, and I was right. Knowing that she loved me the way I loved her was the single greatest gift I could have possibly hoped for. That was ten years ago today, and five of those years were spent without her company.

Heh. How about that? I never thought that my life was that cheesy, or that I was some kind of hopeless romantic given to idealistic unvoiced rants. Me and my naivete. Oh well. I suppose you learn something new everyday.

I look at my watch – seems that it’s five pm on the dot. Better get moving.

I finally reach the place, and my thoughts started to wander again. It’s been five years since I’ve been here last – I pursued my studies in Melbourne, while Clara went for a degree in psychology at the Ateneo. I wrote to her constantly, since I couldn’t afford to make calls – I’m a college student after all; money’s hard to come by. I never received her replies – the post sucks. I’m proud to say though, that if anything I just love her more today that I ever did, and will love her more than that tomorrow.

I sat down on the top of the small hill, where I sat on that most fateful of days. The grass was dry but for a light mist; I guess that narra tree that grew right behind me was to thank for that. I look at my watch again – 5:01. I groaned inwardly; each minute seemed like an hour. The last letter I gave her told her that I was coming back to see her, and that I was going to stay for a while before I went again.

I fished a small package out of my pocket. It was a ring of white gold, holding a single beautiful diamond. I smiled lightly at the thought of the look on her face once she saw this. Of course, I didn’t say everything in the letter. I can’t spoil it for her, after all. What I didn’t tell her was that I planned to ask her to marry me, to ask her to come with me. She would say yes, then, exactly ten years after I asked her to be my girlfriend.

I couldn’t help but smile again-it’s going to be so perfect, I’m sure. We would get married and settle down; we would raise our own family. I would be a great father , and she… she would be a perfect mother. It would be all perfect, of course.

We would be happy.

I leaned back against the narra, and closed my eyes. I can remember every little detail about her; her hair, her smile, her eyes. Oh her eyes, I can’t even count the number of times I had to remind myself to breathe whenever I looked into those eyes if I wanted , and I’m sure that I would drown myself in those eyes rather than take another breath, given the choice.

God, I miss her.

“…John?” My eyes snapped open. The rain was gone, my watch said 5:15, and the sun was just setting. It cast brilliant reds and oranges at the sky, spreading them in a semicircle over…over…

It was her; Clara came.

She was beautiful. I knew she would be, but… she was beautiful. Somehow, her replacing the sun in my vision, as she was bathed in the soft hues of sunset, seemed appropriate. She went to me softly, and sat down beside me, where she sat on that most fateful of days.

“Yes, it’s me…”

She put her head on my shoulder, and started to cry. Tears started to well up in my eyes too. I guess she was just as happy to see, as I was to see her.

She leaned against me slowly; perhaps even a bit hesitantly, as if to see if I was real or not. I laughed softly. “Didn’t think I’d really come back, did you?”

She nodded so slightly that I almost thought it in my imagination. Almost. “I love you, you know… that’s why I came back.” I smiled at her, and she smiled at mel I’d swear that smile she always reserved for me could melt the snow queen.

We talked for a while, of what happened while I was gone, of how life was. She smiled a lot, but there were always tears in her eyes. She seemed a bit… lost; I guess that would be the word. I laughed and cried with her for a time, too – but I promised myself that I would make her happy; it was time.

I brought out the small package, and asked her. She looked up at me, wonder in her eyes. She really was beautiful. A tear ran down her cheek as she opened the small package, and saw the ring. I wiped the tear off her face with a finger, and kissed her lightly. She leaned against me and put her head on my shoulder. I wrapped an arm around her waist and hugged her as tight as I could.

I felt a tear run down the side of my face slowly; I was just so happy.

We watched the sun set. It was 5:30.

I can’t believe I’m doing this.

John left, after a while, leaving me alone with his gift. He was there, I just…. I didn’t think it would happen. I haven’t heard from him in five years, and suddenly I see him around the place where I committed myself to him, promised him my life. He leaves, and I don’t hear from him.

Then he talks like nothing happened. I couldn’t tell him; how could I? He seemed so happy, so content. I guess I thought I could pretend for a while, I guess I thought it was harmless.

Then, he gives me the ring. I look at it again; it was a beautiful ring, white gold with a pretty diamond. Too beautiful… too beautiful for me.

I put it on the ground, and lean over it, elbows on knees. One of my tears fell on it as I felt the pendant of my necklace come out of my blouse, to hang over the ring.

The pendant was a gold band.

I cried harder.

please tell me what you think about the story, thanks, comments are very well appreciated :)

i had another weird dream..

i was at this outing, and the people there were so random, as in random, hahaha! there were friends of mine, friends i dont even know, friends that im not even close with, there was drinking and all then suddenly, there was this temple that there were students who was studying wushu? and the “sensei” was my uncle, hahaha! my uncle who was a dentist, -_-“

then i was traveling the woods because i wanted to go home, and i got lost in the wood, and it was night time, i don’t know why i wasn’t scared but i entered this house, and immediately i realized that it was my uncles house(different uncle), and it was abandoned because he lived a long time ago, then when i went outside, i saw a person with dreadlocks who was smoking a joint, then i ask him if he was real, hahahahaha! then he said like he was very stoned “yes! wanna toke?” hahaha! i said, i’ll pass, then i asked him if he knew who lived in the house, he said no, then i dont know why but i told him, that it was my uncle…. BOB MARLEY, hahahaha! and that he really didn’t die, he just hid from the world and lived in that house, hahahaha!

then some other guys celebrated in the house and had a “hotbox” in the house

its really weird, bob marley’s not even my uncle, hahaha! i dont even smoke pot, hahaha! and why do i have these weird dreams? hahaha! well anyway, di ko napigilan ipost kasi tawang tawa ako pagkagising ko, hahaha!

trip lang :)

This ^ is super fun LOL. (You can’t see it on your dashboards!)

(via thegreateststoryevertold)

a weird weird dream..

i woke up to one of the weirdest dreams i have ever had, and grabe it was scary, hahaha! i was riding something like a train, but it was open, uhm.. kinda like a roller coaster but it was for traveling, i rode one and to my surprise, it was her that i would be seating beside to. the train was small, it only had 6 or 8 passengers. and while riding it, she was talking to everybody and talking and talking, and no one was listening to her, i was the only one listening but she didn’t want to talk to me, so i just listened. so she was talking to everybody except for me, hahahaha! but i was the only one listening. after some time the roller coaster went faster and it was already night time, and some of the passengers already went out. then suddenly the tracks went out, i mean, it was the end and all that was left was a free fall, she was shouting as loud as she can while we were falling, i was trying to calm her down and i don’t know why, but i wasn’t scared and i even got the chance to say to you (of course you weren’t listening) and i said to you “thanks, i had fun, take care” i don’t know why i said that, it was like i was watching myself, it was in 3rd person, and i was afraid, but the mel in 3rd person wasn’t, hahaha! i even saw the ground before we hit it, then i woke up, hahaha!

it was really weird, so there.. wala lang :))

hello to my number1 fan in tumblr, i know who you are, hahaha! thanks for the future jollibee :))

you’re awesome! no you’re awesome, hahaha!

exacto

Yesterday I had it all worked out to a “T”

But now something’s wrong between you and me

I was wrong, so wrong

To think that I would stay

Seasons come and seasons go

And today is another day

I wanna say now’s the time

To go our separate ways

I don’t know I might be wrong

Could we find the strength to say

That our love, our love’s seen some better days

And who’s to say if I had the chance

That I’d make the choice to say

If you ever had something that you wanted to say

You better start talking before I go away

I wish that I could say

I’ve been feeling okay

That I’ll be bringing on the better days

But I wouldn’t feel right Knowing

I was lying to you

Am I wasting all my time, will we try to make amends

I try to read between the lines

But all I see is the end

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

sorry bigla ko naalala last year, wala lang, anyway, happy birthday again! i love you! :)

dito nalang.. :)

thanks babe,
thanks for welcoming me, i had fun yesterday
sa susunod ulit :)

ang sarap ng yogurt no? ^^